“It’s seven in the morning and I’m seasick!” (Jack Lemon; obscure quote…or misquote…from an old movie he was in with Tony Curtis, “The Great Race” I think…look it up.)

Well, it’s actually now 6:52 and I am up writing for you fine people. On a day when no one has to be anywhere (except for Rachel – the kids have the day off), which means I could have slept in…but here I am at the computer. Why? Well, let me tell you a story.

Yesterday I cleaned 3 bathrooms, deep cleaned a kitchen (that’s an exaggeration), swept a kitchen /dining room real slate floor (that means lots of crevices; makes it sound like more work, right?) and vacuumed two small living room floors. Oh! A-n-n-n-d did at least 3 loads of laundry, to boot! (For you teenagers out there, that means washed, dried, folded/hung AND put away.) So, as one might imagine, a short time later, my joints (all of them) were screaming at me. So I took a hot shower to feel human again, had dinner with my hubby, then watched Doc Martin (a quirky British show with quirky British characters in it) with him, as well. I stayed up much too late knowing I didn’t have to get up early in the morning.

Zoom ahead – 5 flippin’ fifteen in the morning – guess who’s awake…yeah, that would be me. I went to bed at 11 PM. As soon as I said good night to Johnny and put on my C-Pap gear (alien mask, if you ask Aitan) and got as comfortable as possible with said alien mask on, I realized I was still in pain. So…I lay there lying to myself that I would fall asleep and the pain would just melt away. I’ve been in this body for fifty-five years and, guess what…that NEVER happens; but I didn’t want to take off my alien mask and get up again, so the lie won out over experience.

After tossing and turning all night; looking  at the clock at 1:30, then 2:30, then 5:15, I decided to get up and take some medicine  – Excedrin (generic brand from The Dollar Tree, of course). Let me tell you about this pain killer. It is a magical conglomeration of Aspirin, Acetaminophen and, wait for it…CAFFEINE! Yeah… caffeine. But, like I said, it is magical. It is the only medicine that truly works on my pain, particularly headaches, but also joint pain. The trick is to take the pills, quickly lie down, get comfy and fall asleep before the caffeine kicks in. So, I got my pillow and blanket and tried to get comfortable on the couch.

The couch, “Why the couch” you ask “when you have a perfectly good queen sized bed in your cozy guestroom”? Well, lemme ‘splain, Lucy. I walked into the guest room looking forward to falling asleep under my beautiful, comfy quilt. What I encountered once I entered was John’s oxygen generator (or whatever it’s called). The reason this ugly square box is in the guest room is because it is also obnoxious! We put it in that room, with the hose running under the door, across the hallway, then under our door because it is so loud, and at certain intervals makes such a weird gasping sound (as though IT needs oxygen), that there was no way we could sleep with it in our room; which meant to me at that moment, there was no way I could sleep in the guest room.  I thought about moving the monstrosity down the hall and into the kitchen, but, alas, my imagination went into overtime (apparently the caffeine kicked in quickly). Now playing (in my head) “This just in: husband is murdered by insomniac wife while innocently sleeping in his comfortable bed. Was it an accident? Was it intentional? The jury is still out (heh heh). More details at ten, stay tuned.” You know those movies where there’s some guy in the hospital bed next to another guy in his hospital bed, and somehow the first guy, ACCIDENTALLY, pulls the oxygen tube out of the second guys nose and suddenly that second guy is gasping for air like there’s no tomorrow, with arms flailing, and the nurse rushes in and quickly puts his nose thingy back in to validate his fears and save his life, scolds the first guy and gives him a shot to make him fall asleep and stop being a pain of a patient? Yeah, that went through my mind (“Kate and Leopold” reference…check it out to see how accurate a description I gave…I’ve been married to John too long…seen too many movies), so off to the couch I went.

I lay there a while (Is it lay or laid? I laid an egg. I lay in bed…hmmm.),trying to get comfortable; moved the couch pillows for more room, covered up with the throw from my chair, moved the couch pillows again, stretched out, scrunched up, resituated my pillow under my head…no dice. Too late – my brain was now on fast-forward, writing this blog in my head. I pulled my head out from under the covers, looked up at the clock to find it was already 6:45, and the room was already flooded with sunlight. Hmmm…guess it’s time to write that blog for real…guess I’ll nap later. (10:00 LMH News: No worries. No husband was killed in his sleep for the sake of this blog. Move along now; nothing to see here.)